FRED THOMPSON, NEW DARLING OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

It looks as if Fred Thompson, the guy with the perpetual scowl on his face, will join the other idiots seeking the Republican Presidential nomination.

Thompson, the actor who can't decide if he wants to practice his craft in Hollywood or Washington D.C., is undergoing grooming by his handlers, much the same as a race horse, for a probable run.

Comparing him to a race horse is appropriate too since the Republican Party has a field of contenders bigger than this year's Kentucky Derby, who possess, in the aggregate, less intelligence than the ass of any one of the horses in that race.

There is another Thompson in the Republican stable, Tommy Thompson, who calls himself the "real" Thompson. I like him better, because he provides more entertainment with his never ending inane remarks, whereas Fred Thompson just makes, "tough" faces.

What a wonderful mess the Republican Party is in these days, being more disorganized than a Kindergarten class on recess.

Giuliani, an unaccomplished nasty bastard goes around explaining his views on abortion, Mitt Romney confesses to the world that he didn't have premarital sex, and John McCain, who still doesn't get it, continues aligning himself with the loser Bush's ideas.

So now we have Fred Thompson, another boot in the ass Conservative who appeals to the "thank you sir, may I please have another" set that begs for direction in all aspects of their lives, due to a lack of imagination and a fear of anything different.

Thompson has been undergoing disciplinary training under the auspices of Dominatrix Extraordinaire, Mistress Lynne Cheney, so he can come off as an even bigger son-of-a-bitch for the "I need a nanny" crowd of cowering, masochistic supplicants.

Next up for Thompson is an audience with former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher who will no doubt administer a sub-zero high colonic to Fred to purge him of any lingering Hollywoodisms that may still be tenaciously clinging to his alimentary tract.

Thatcher, at age 82, is the perfect headmistress to tutor a Republican Presidential contender. Totally devoid of any heart or soul, and hopelessly out of touch with both the masses, and reality of any type, she'll impart the kind of wisdom craved by devotees of the "never change anything, our Party leaders know what’s best for me," crowd.

All the Republican candidates want to be being likened to their ultimate hero, Ronald Reagan, and Fred Thompson is no different.

I think he has the inside track on this one.

After all, who's better than an 82-year-old, stuffy, upper-crust Englishwoman for teaching Thompson the ways of dementia, a la Reagan?

GAS PRICES GO UP INTELLIGENCE GOES DOWN

I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed but I’m constantly amazed at just how incredibly stupid so many people are.

A few days ago I paid $3.07 per gallon for regular gas in Las Vegas; some places were charging $3.23 for the same brew. About six weeks ago I was griping about paying $2.29.

If they are to be believed, the gas pundits say that the reason prices are rising is due to high demand, and low availability.

OK, let's take that at face value and then realize that, duh, if we demand less gas prices will go down. I, of course, don't believe that, but let's say, "in arguendo", that it is true.

Now, in Las Vegas it seems that every other vehicle is either a giant SUV or a massive 4-wheel drive pickup truck, usually transporting a sole individual and no load.

Of the regular cars on the road there is a plethora of "hot rod" type vehicles, either old pieces of crap that have been restored, or newer foreign cars sporting thousands of dollars worth of noise producing after market add ons.

A few weeks earlier when I gassed up I noticed, for the first time, a separate pump that dispensed, "100 Plus Racing Fuel."

Two things struck me, one, the gas was $4.99 per gallon, and two, it was sold out.

Next I went to the supermarket. At the entrance were two young yo-yo's who were happy holders of those great American jobs the President is always saying we're lucky to have in abundance. One guy was sweeping up and the other was collecting shopping carts.

Obviously they were Harvard and MIT graduates, or they wouldn't have jobs in the first place.

They were taking a break and talking about cars. One of them said, quote: "So I thought, what the hell, I might as well get that one, it's faster, and a lot louder, and it costs the same."

"Faster", now that makes sense in a town where the traffic crawls.

"Louder", I guess that's important to an idiot.

Yesterday, on the Vegas news, they profiled a few crybaby/assholes who were griping at the news of the probability of four buck a gallon gas.

They were acting as if they were veritable Einsteins because they were going to "car pool" with their behemoth SUV's. Apparently they just realized that more than one asshole at a time can be transported in these things.

Oh yeah, some of them said they were going to get motorcycles for commuting. I'm sure they'll get bikes that are loud and get poor gas mileage as well.

None of them said they were going to part with their fad vehicles and buy a gas efficient car. I guess they'll just park them in front of the house and continue making the $500.00+ payments, while they wait for gas prices to come down.

Smart, very smart.

BILL RICHARDSON, DUMBELL DEMOCRAT

Here's another idiot who wants to be President, Bill Richardson, Democrat Governor of New Mexico.

On April 18, he was asked why he hadn't called for the resignation of Attorney General, Alberto Gonzalez.

His reply was: "The only reason I'm not [calling for Gonzales's resignation] is because he's Hispanic, and I know him and like him, it's because he's Hispanic. I'm honest."

Richardson is also Hispanic, and obviously, he's quite willing to make no bones about playing favorites.

Now, Gonzalez may or may not be guilty of wrongdoing, and we may, or we may not ever know the truth. What does appear certain though is that Gonzalez is an idiot and is way out of his depth as Attorney General. This is the result of Bush's widespread cronyism.

Unfortunately that alone is not enough to simply demand his ouster.

The situation that gave rise to questions about Gonzalez' integrity is certainly suspicious enough to merit an investigation in my opinion.

No one, however, should either be condemned or pardoned simply because he or she is or isn't a member of any particular group.

It's fine to give someone the benefit of the doubt, in the absence of conclusive, damning evidence, but it's another thing to do so for a dumb reason, such as simply belonging to a particular group.

I wouldn't want someone with this mindset to run the country.

Fortunately Richardson has less of a chance of becoming President than a fart has surviving a tornado.

GIULIANI OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY

Rudy Giuliani, the leading contender to be the Republican presidential candidate, probably clinched the nomination on Tuesday.

"America’s Mayor" could not state the price of a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread while campaigning in Montgomery, Alabama.

Giuliani thought that a gallon of milk sold for $1.50 and a loaf of bread went for $1.25.

I'm sure Karl Rove, when he learned of this, had a spontaneous orgasm as he envisioned the sometimes dress wearing Giuliani as the perfect Republican president.

"I didn’t think it was possible to find another guy like Bush, who can't find his own ass with both hands, in the same millennium," is a likely thought in Rove’s mind.

"A Republican's dream, he's totally out of touch with mainstream America and he's been described as a "CEO type of presidential candidate", as was Bush, was probably another thought in Rove's mind.

Giuliani's failed attempt at playing, "The Price Is Right," was defended by his campaign staffers when they later stated that the average price for a loaf of bread in the United States is $1.17 per pound. They stated that the figure came from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Perhaps one of these dim bulbs should take a walk through a supermarket and see what a buck seventeen gets you these days.

Some will argue that it’s doubtful that Giuliani actually shops for food and therefore has no way of knowing what current prices are.

Sorry, that's no excuse for someone who wants the job of managing the country, which is inhabited mostly by people of modest means, a fact that is usually ignored by the Republican Party.

A potential president should know how much food costs the average citizen.

IS GEORGE BUSH STARVING OUR TROOPS?

Self proclaimed Super-Patriot, George W. Bush, who is always willing to spill the blood of our service members in defense of his big oil buddies, Halliburton, and most important, his own ego, is Commander-in-Chief of a starving Army and Marine Corp.

It seems that the much heralded "MRE's", or "Meals Ready To Eat," that are doled out in ever decreasing numbers to those troops in the most dangerous and stressful areas of the Iraq theatre, are inadequate. In fact they are so pathetically unfit that many of our troops are losing weight in alarming amounts due to malnutrition.

While the Bush's dine on some of the most expensive and exquisitely prepared cuisine, in lavish surroundings in the White House, with scores of footmen and various kitchen help at their beck and call, he's starving our front line troops.

While Bush impatiently waits for his meat to be cut into perfect bite-size bits, and agonizes over the choices on the dessert menu, the Commander-in-Chief's troops have to get by on 4th rate garbage. Our men and women in harm's way, at his pleasure, have to get by on Smoky Franks and Chicken a la King, affectionately nicknamed the Four Fingers of Death and Chicken a la Death, and, the troops aren't even issued enough of them to satisfy their hunger.

I have no idea who supplies this slop but it wouldn't surprise me if the country's biggest welfare recipient, Halliburton, is in there somewhere.

Those of us who have been calling for the return of the troops, in order to save them from slaughter, are accused of "not supporting the troops" and being, "unpatriotic."

Meanwhile, Bush and Cheney, neither of whom ever saw action, and in fact tough guy with everyone else's ass, Cheney, who wasn't ever in uniform, continue to call for more troops to be sent to Iraq, are hailed as the "patriotic supporters" of the troops.

The real reason these two pinheads insist that this war is necessary is that Bush doesn't want to admit that he was wrong about going to war,

Can anyone explain to me how this is possible?

Read about how our troops health and fighting ability is being comprised by the Bush provided MRE's.

Nearly everyone has heard the expression, "An army moves on its stomach." Napoleon realized that all those years ago, and his chefs invented the "French Fry" as an easy to prepare, high energy, field ration.

Maybe what we need for our troops are a couple of mobile McDonalds out there on the front line.

If the Karl Rove White House can figure out a way to get Halliburton 1000 times the amount of money necessary to bring the troops some McDonalds food, our service members will soon be saying, "Supersize those 'Freedom Fries'."

HALLIBURTON CORPORATION TO BECOME AN EXPATRIATE

The darling corporation of the Bush Administration, Halliburton, the USA's probable biggest welfare recipient, apparently will be moving to Dubai to avoid paying US taxes.

If this doesn't take the cake I don't know what does. Here we have a corporation of dubious quality that has been gifted, time and again, by Bush and Cheney, with huge, no bid government contracts, and they're moving out of the country for a better deal.

Of course Halliburton will continue sucking the US Treasury dry and the Republicans will then state that anyone who doesn't like this set up is a traitor, a coward, and doesn't support the troops.

Is this a gift to Dubai to make up for not allowing one of their companies to control security at US ports?

Let's see, how will this all pan out? Perhaps something will happen in Dubai and their government will nationalize all companies based on their soil, excuse me, sand.

Next, Halliburton's remaining executives in Bush’s home state of Texas will pick up the phone and start calling Republican lawmakers/breakers to ask for help.

Then, all the "patriotic" types will start expressing outrage by mounting American flags on their 10-miles-per-gallon SUV's and pickup trucks, and riding around honking their horns and shouting "we're number one, let's kick Dubai's ass."

The Republicans will then state that anyone who opposes war with Dubai is a traitor, a coward, and doesn't support the troops they want to send.

The religious wrong will finally prevail and convince our leaders to attack Dubai and save Halliburton and Christianity.

The Republicans will then state that anyone who expresses an opinion in opposition to the upcoming war with Dubai is a traitor, a coward, a Jesus hater, an enemy of the moral majority, is godless, and doesn't support the troops.

Another "Shock and Awe" spectacle, planned and staged by The Disney Corporation commences during which we will expend $100 billion worthy of munitions, which are immediately replaced by the same amount of ordnance by our defense contractors, for $200 billion.

Wall Street goes wild as the Dow sets a new record and the Republicans lay claim to improving the economy.

The Republicans will state that anyone who says that this isn't good for America is a traitor, a coward, and does not support the troops.

"Shock and Awe, the Sequel", results in the destruction of both of the Dubai Navy's canoes, and the empty doublewide mobile home that houses their crews.

The follow up ground invasion results in the killing of all of Dubai's 100 man defense force that was contracted through Halliburton.

Congress then determines that it was all a misunderstanding and appropriates 2 trillion dollars for reparations and pays Halliburton 3 trillion dollars to disburse the funds to itself.

The Republicans state that anyone who feels this is wrong is a traitor, a coward, and doesn't support the troops.

Halliburton subcontracts the purchase of 2 canoes and a doublewide for $175.00, to a Bush family relative in Texas, who runs a live bait and coyote trap store in a suburb of Crawford.

He in turn bills the Federal government $175 million for administrative costs and is paid $174 million after the Democrats determine that he overcharged. The actual payout though is $176 million when interest for the delay caused by the investigation is factored in.

On the last day of his Presidency Bush endows the local American military commander in Dubai with the new title of Royal Viceroy. The following day The Viceroy then appoints Dick Cheney as the president of the new country of "The Republic of Hallidubuairton Incorporated".

The Republicans state that anyone who doesn't see the sense in this is a traitor, a coward, and doesn't support the troops.

Congress then approves a bill that stations 150,000 US troops in The Republic of Hallidubuairton to protect former Vice-President Cheney. It is justified by saying that the Secret Service isn't sufficient in force to protect him now that he is no longer in a "secure, undisclosed location."

The Republican's then state that anyone who opposes this action is a traitor, a coward, and doesn't support the troops.

Within 24 hours gasoline prices rise to ten bucks a gallon in the United States and Wall Street posts another record high on the Dow.

The Republicans state that anyone who disagrees with the theory that is good for the country is a traitor, a coward, and doesn't support the troops.

Anne Coulter writes 15 books about the 15 minute war and the Republicans state that anyone who doesn't buy the books is a traitor, a coward, and doesn't support the troops.

SCOOTER LIBBY GUILTY!

Good news!

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury in the first of what I hope will be a long series of trials and convictions for Bush's henchmen, spin doctors, thieves, manipulators, prevaricators, multi-purpose thugs, and other worthless reprobates.

After years of persecution by jealous Republicans over a lie that was harmless to the public, Bill Clinton must be singing the tune, "Who's Lying Now".

Of course we'll have to wait to see if this cocky little poop ever gets to play drop the soap with other jail birds.

If the appeals and other legal wrangling fail we could be treated to another round of Republican pardons, a la Nixon, Oliver North, et al.

It was reported that when the verdict was read one of the jurors broke down in tears. What the hell is going on in our courts with all these crying judges, lawyers and jurors?

Many news people stated that there was a lot of sympathy for Libby's family, and remarks that it was such a shame that a guy like him went down the way he did.

Who the hell is kidding who? He’s a frigging lawyer for crissake which means he was half way to being a criminal right from the get go.

If people want to express sympathy, they should do so for people who deserve it such as the widows, widowers and orphans of the service members who died, and those who were wounded in an unnecessary war that the Scooters of the world help their bosses, such as Cheney and Bush, bring about.